The Pause: A Mindful Practice for Breaking Impulsive Spending Habits
The Holiday Spending Trap
We’re entering the holiday season of the year – full of gatherings, memories, traditions, togetherness, and….like it or not, sales campaigns! It’s so common for folks who have maintained a somewhat balanced relationship with their spending throughout the year to find themselves suddenly thrown off balance by all the extra noise and energy whipped up around spending between now and the end of December.
It’s against this loud, chaotic backdrop that I want to offer one of my favorite tools to use when it comes to unhealthy or unbalanced spending behaviors: a pattern interrupt I call “The Pause.”
Understanding Impulsive Spending Patterns
One of the most common behavior patterns that I come across in my practice as a financial therapist looks like this:
The person receives a sales email or scrolls past a targeted ad.
They feel a strong desire to buy the product.
The desire becomes so strong that they feel compelled to buy it.
They make the purchase, and then feel regret, guilt, or shame.
This pattern of impulsive or compulsive spending is incredibly common. Most people who struggle with it want to feel more in control of their spending habits. The good news? Change is possible, and it starts with a pattern interrupt.
What Is a Pattern Interrupt?
When we’ve established a strong behavior pattern, such as buying something impulsively after seeing an ad, one of the most effective ways to change it is to have an alternate action plan — something to do instead of the established behavior.
In clinical terms, we call this a pattern interrupt. In this post, I’m sharing one that has helped many people interrupt unhelpful spending habits and make more mindful financial choices.
Next time you notice the impulse to purchase something arise, try this simple pattern interrupt:
Step 1: Give Yourself the Gift of a Pause
Stop what you’re doing.
Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen.
Close your eyes if that feels helpful.
Take two deep breaths.
Step 2: Gather Information
While taking those two deep breaths, tune into what emotions are present in that moment. You will likely notice several emotions at once; it’s normal to notice quite a mixture of emotions all at once.
Challenge yourself to make space for the complexity. Then, identify the one emotion that feels the biggest or loudest.
Step 3: Envision a Different Way Forward
Once you’ve named what you’re feeling, ask yourself:
“What do I want to choose right now?”
This question invites your sense of choice back into the room and puts you in the driver’s seat, instead of your emotions.
You might discover that your old spending pattern doesn’t actually address what you’re feeling. Ask yourself:
“What is an effective way to deal with this emotion I’ve identified?”
And remember, you’re not setting a precedent. You’re creating flexibility. The goal is not to simply replace an old behavior pattern with a new one; the goal is to create flexibility rooted in choice. Add the words “this time” to remind yourself that each choice stands on its own.
Using Parts Work and Internal Family Systems [IFS] with The Pause
If you’re familiar with parts work or Internal Family Systems (IFS), that framework can help you deepen your practice of The Pause.
Here’s an example from my own life:
During graduate school, a part of me hated feeling bored. This restlessness often showed up as mindless snacking, especially with ice cream. Instead of judging myself, I practiced The Pause. The next time I felt the impulse to open the freezer and pull out my Ben & Jerry’s, I paused, took a few breaths and tuned into what emotions I was feeling. That was the moment I realized I was feeling extremely restless and bored. Then, I asked myself what I might want to do to soothe the boredom and let out the restless energy I was feeling. I considered moving forward with my plan to finish off the pint of Milk and Cookies ice cream I had in front of me. But with the new information I had gathered about my emotions, that choice didn’t seem very effective at meeting my emotional needs –- at least not for very long. I could see that I had established this behavior pattern in an attempt to distract myself from feeling bored and restless with my schoolwork, but it was only a temporary distraction from my emotions, and I would find myself back in the kitchen a few hours later. So, with this new insight, I decided to call a good friend who would let me vent about how I was feeling. Thirty minutes later, after chatting with my friend , I no longer felt bored and the intensity of the restlessness had subsided. The next day, I noticed the familiar boredom and restlessness rush back in, just as intense as before. Again, I paused, took a couple of deep breaths, and I asked myself, “What do I want to choose right now?” At that moment, I noticed that I really wanted to take a short walk outside in the sunshine. After about 15 minutes, I returned home and noticed that the boredom and restlessness had been replaced with feeling mentally energized and physically calm and settled. The Pause had allowed me to achieve my goal of interrupting the established behavior pattern I had and created more flexibility in how I could manage my feelings of boredom and restlessness.
Quick Reference: How to Practice “The Pause”
Practicing The Pause
Pause:
Place hands on your body and take two deep breaths.
Q1: What do I feel in this moment?
Name the emotion(s) as precisely as possible.
Q2: What do I want to choose right now?
Ask: “What would it be like to do ___ this time?” or “Is this an effective way to deal with the emotions I’ve identified?”
Building Financial Mindfulness Through Choice
It is my hope that The Pause becomes a helpful tool for you, just as it has been for me.
If this type of work intrigues you and you want to dive deeper into bringing mindfulness to your financial behaviors and transforming your relationship with money, I’d love to chat with you.
Click here to schedule a free, no-pressure consultation call.
